A Dirge For Daria
by Love Gordon
Summary: Not what you'd expect... Takes place in February of Daria's senior year
1. Default Chapter

**A Dirge For Daria **by Love Gordon****

"Um, gee, I don't really know what to say. 

"It's sort of like, she was here one day and gone the next. I knew that she'd been sick a long, long time, with leukemia, but when I came home from high school, two weeks ago today, and she wouldn't wake up, it all hit home. We'd moved to Lawndale two and a half years years before, just so she could be near a good hospital for her chemotherapy treatments. She went into remission just before her junior year, and we all thought she'd staved it off for good. Even the doctors said she was cured. That is, until she relapsed in December of her senior year.

"Tom couldn't take it and dumped her the day he found out. She'd have died then and there, if it hadn't been for Jane and her brother. They were there for her day and night. And it was so sad, because it was all too clear to Jane and I that she and Trent were more than just friends. They deserved a whole lifetime together, and they only got two months. It makes me so mad… Trent's been locked up in the basement since she died, writing songs for her.

"Jane's not much better off. Like Trent, her art is the only thing that stands between her and the acceptance of that void: her best friend is dead. It's also the only thing that keep her from throwing herself out of a window. But she's so, so angry, and her hatred for you wants to consume her. To consume everything.

"Me? I'm hanging in there, I guess. I don't have a talent to fall back on. All I can do is be the best person I can and hope that she's proud of me, wherever she is. If she can be proud of me, if I can be as wonderful of a person as she was, or even close, I might be okay. I'll work hard to deserve my life, so I won't keep thinking about the painkillers Dad stockpiles in his medicine cabinet.

"So, thank you, God, for listening to my dirge for Daria. It's something I couldn't tell the Fashion Club. As long as she's at peace where she is, I'll understand. There's no more pain for her there.

"Tell her I said hi, would you? Tell her that Quinn loves her. I love her, I really do, I know that know. And I miss her like crazy.

"Goodnight."


	2. Silence Falls

**Silence Falls**by Love Gordon

** **

"How long has it been?"

"Four weeks."

"It's worse than when Mikey-"

"Well, he was his best friend, after all, but still, it's the second time he's been through this. And… he really loved her. I could sense it."

"You and your 'auras'! But it really is so sad. She was so intelligent, from what I hear."

"A full scholarship to Yale. Room, board, tuition, the whole shebang. I swear, she is- was- as smart as he is. And my brother's as smart as a whip."

"How's her family taking it? I talked to her mother, but she was distracted…"

"Oh, parents out of their minds with grief, I hear. Sister's doing okay, more than I can say for her friend. Completely fallen to pieces."

"Yeah… I wish that he hadn't fallen for someone, so very young. They are, really. And to have her die, the same type of cancer even, as his best friend, just- what? Three years apart? I'm worried he'll never recover. Of course, I'm sad about the girl and all, but really… it's a more immediate situation."

"You had the maid take all the sharp things out of his room?"

"As if I'd forget. That night in the emergency room, right after Mikey…"

"Yeah, I worried too. I was only, what, thirteen at the time?"

"It was just past your birthday, yes. It was three years ago, almost exactly."

"I feel so sorry for Tom. The girl was so sweet, when we met her, funny, almost like my friend Isabelle. Then she relapsed, and he broke it off with, and was so angry with himself afterwards-"

"Daria was too much like Mikey, Elsie, much too soon. Be understanding of your brother. He's only human, you know."

"Yes, Mom, I know. Thinking about it, it's just so… horrible. She was smart, going places, almost kind of pretty…"

"Such a waste…"


	3. Carmine

**Carmine** By Love Gordon

"Daria, I hope you're listening to me, where the hell you are. I ran out of red paint today, thanks to you and your goddamn leukemia. The art store didn't have any more of that particular shade of carmine, said I'd cleaned them out of stock. Won't be any more for another week or more, even if they special order.

"So, I can't deny it any more. You are _dead_, as dead as the leaves that were collecting on my front lawn until Trent started raking them up last week. I can't even be angry, because I don't have the energy, I don't have the stupid, idiotic, freaking paint. I don't have the will to keep going on downhill from here. I'm not going to paint in Paris next week. I don't have anything to paint.

"I understand now, Daria. I understand the cynicism. You went to the edge and came back, and you wanted more than the shallow merits of popularity. You wanted to find yourself, so you created yourself out of Kafka, out of Gorey, out of all the novels and paintings and songs that you admired. You were wholly yourself, and I never really was. I always doubted, thought that Jane the cheerleader, Jane and Bobby Bighead, hell, even Jane the track star were possibly the real me. You knew me better, dammit, why didn't I ever _listen_ to you? I'm listening now, Daria. Are you there? Will you hear me?"

The echo, the ghost of a noise was all she heard. It could have been anything, a creaking floorboard, a leak in the sink. Maybe even the ghost of ghost, whispering "_yes_."

Jane looked out into the hallway, but no one was there.


	4. A Guardian Angel With Doc Martens

**A Guardian Angel with Doc Martens** By Love Gordon

"It's been a year now, Daria. I haven't forgotten you. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out, but you were my first love, and who knows? We could have had a lifetime. And the love we had was real. It was there, if it wasn't physically tangible.

"I suppose you know about Janey now. The doctors say it's a miracle she woke up that day. It's only been a week since she fell asleep at the wheel and hit a tree. It's not your fault, Daria. Nothing that happened was. Don't blame yourself. 

"All I ask of you, is this- please don't take Janey from me now. She's all I have left. I don't think you have any sway over what happens, but if you do, let her live. Or at least take her peacefully, without pain, when she's old and has lived her life. I know what the chemo, the radiation did to you, I saw your emaciated little body shrivel away. Don't let the doctors do that to her. 

"No more pain. That's what Quinn said. I'd been locked up in the basement, and she came down, the fifth week, and told me that where you were, you felt no more pain. That you loved me and hated to watched me suffer so. And she looked at me- and it was like you were looking out of her eyes. She left, but I came up. Had to be there for Janey, anyway, but she… I accept it, you're not coming back. But watch over me, up there? Give me a little extra sprinkle of fairy dust? I'd love to have had more time with you, but I'll settle for a guardian angel with Doc Martens."


	5. Roses

**Roses** by Love Gordon

She sat by the tombstone, laying a rose on top of it, atop a thin layer of freshly fallen snow. She hadn't been by in six months, what with the exams, but now that she'd graduated, she'd be home a lot more. A visit with her would be a little longer today, what with all the catching up she'd have to do. How she'd graduated four years early, with the help of her old tutor. She was 26, and officially a doctor.

It was pure coincidence they happened to meet. He'd come to offer a flower or two as well, keeping a vigil of bringing one of his dearest friends daisies.

"I'm not cold," she protested, "I'm going to be working here, anyway- I'll have to get used to a colder climate than UCLA."

"Come on, you can stop by my house and have a cup of coffee anyway. Walking here in a light coat was bad enough- I'll give you a lift home," he insisted.

"Oh, all right. Just… let me finish telling her about how I got a job back here in Lawndale, alright?"

"Okay," he agreed. He turned to leave, but she brushed the snow off a nearby bench and patted it.

"Sit here. I'm sure she'd like to hear you talk too."

He took her hand. "Quinn-"

"Yes?"

"This is something I think she'd want to hear as well. She's been waiting for this since the day you walked into my basement and made my life worth living again. Even before we started dating." He paused. "Will you marry me, Quinn?"

"Trent, I…. Why am I even pausing? Of course, yes!" she replied joyfully. He kissed her, and then, remembering why they were there, he knelt in front of the gravestone and paid his respects, as Quinn summed up the day's tales.

On their way back to Trent's car, he paused in front of one of the stones and whispered so softly only she could hear, "Daria, I love her, but you were first."

**the end**


End file.
